Rules and agreements seem similar, but are they really interchangeable? You can make agreements about how to interact with each other, but can you also agree on rules? Or are rules always something that comes from above, while agreements are something shared?
Let's put it another way: Can you agree that everyone is present for training at 19:00 PM? If everyone sticks to it, it remains an agreement. But as soon as someone is consistently late and you have to say something about it, it feels more like a rule.
The paradox of rules and agreements
Rules often feel like something you have to do, agreements like something you want. But where do you draw the line? If you agree in a team that everyone will be on time, doesn't that agreement quietly become a rule as soon as someone doesn't stick to it?
Or even more complicated: can you agree that you can sometimes ignore rules? For example: "The rule is that we always start at 19:00 PM, but if someone has a really good reason, we make an exception." Is that still a rule, or has it become an agreement?
Some agreements are never spoken, but everyone knows them. Think of how a group often unconsciously agrees on who will take the lead or who will ensure a good atmosphere. These implicit agreements are often more powerful than the most strictly formulated rules.
Rules govern behavior, agreements form culture.
Tips for trainers and coaches
1. Make the difference clear: Explain what a rule is and what an agreement is.
2. Involve the group: Let participants propose agreements themselves.
3. Formulate positively: Say what you do expect, not what is forbidden.
4. Be consistent: Enforce rules and remind of agreements.
5. Keep it simple: Limit yourself to the most important rules and agreements.
6. Evaluate regularly: Discuss whether they still work.
7. Set a good example: Show how you live them.
8. Make them visible: Write them down on a board or flip chart.
9. Be flexible: Consciously choose between a rule or an agreement.
10. Acknowledge compliance: Give compliments when things go well.
Rules without agreements feel like coercion, agreements without rules remain optional. It's all about balance. Because ultimately: rules regulate behavior, agreements form culture.
Which rules in your team behave like agreements, and which agreements behave like rules?
